


Two Of A Kind, That's What We Are

by revenblue



Series: [collection] but you keep spinning 'round me just the same (Perryshmirtz) [106]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Last Words Your Soulmate Will Say To You AU, M/M, POV Third Person Omniscient, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tragedy, this is not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:55:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23974111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: The greatest love stories of the age usually ended in two soulmates taking a vow of silence together, having said the last words they ever would. Not everyone would be so lucky.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus
Series: [collection] but you keep spinning 'round me just the same (Perryshmirtz) [106]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/746841
Comments: 14
Kudos: 45





	Two Of A Kind, That's What We Are

The greatest love stories of the age usually ended in two soulmates taking a vow of silence together, having said the last words they ever would. Not everyone would be so lucky.

Perry the Platypus had known who his soulmate was from the start. How could he not? As soon as he'd met the man, _fought_ him, claimed his victory, he'd heard the words inscribed into his skin, deeper even than ink:

"Curse you, Perry the Platypus!"

The words had hit him like a physical blow, like Doctor D's _fists_ , followed by the thought that this might be the first, last, _only_ time he ever met his soulmate. His kindred spirit. How cruel, to hear the last words his soulmate would ever say to him, before even knowing the man. And from his nemesis, of all people.

The thought of saying so, finding some way to convey the enormity of it, overwhelmed him. He couldn't ask his boss for a day off, what made him think he could convince this man they were soulmates? A man who, lest he forget, was his _nemesis_ of all people.

He'd cried, that night. Sobbed his little platypus heart out. Their fight had left him breathless, more alive than ever before, a connection he knew he'd never feel with anyone else, and for what?

The next morning, he'd shown up for work as always, stone-faced, determined not to show any weakness in front of his superiors. They wouldn't understand. How could his nemesis be his soulmate, he could already hear them ask. So he stayed quiet.

Thoughts raced through his mind, every reason his superiors could give for why he'd never thwart Heinz Doofenshmirtz again. Maybe the man had given up Evil and didn't need a nemesis any more. Maybe he'd be reassigned. Maybe-

And yet.

Not one mention of a change. Sent to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated once again, he forced his mind away from what he might find there, determined to take things one step at a time. And if worst came to worst, well, at least he'd _know_.

The last thing he'd expected had been Doctor D himself, ready and waiting with a scheme, a trap, a _monologue_. Alive.

He left, that afternoon, to the same scream. The same words. Twice, now, he'd heard it, and he tried to tell himself it was a pattern. Tried not to think about it at all.

Months would pass, hearing those words every time he left. It never got any easier. Each morning, his heart would be in his throat once again, hoping he hadn't seen his nemesis for the last time.

Each time, he'd arrive at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated to find Doctor D grinning, alive and well.

* * *

Heinz Doofenshmirtz himself, on the other hand, rarely considered the identity of his soulmate any more, for his own peace of mind. Lots of people said his _name_ , after all. Lots of people _left_. Any one of them could have been his soulmate.

By the time he'd met Perry at all, he'd stopped getting his hopes up. What was the _point_ of having a soulmate if they were just going to abandon him like everyone _else_? Nothing, that was what.

It was easy enough to pass himself off as one of the lucky people _without_ one, because it wasn't like he _needed_ a soulmate. He'd managed just fine by _himself_. Not that he had the soulmark any more _anyway_ , lost with his original arm years ago, so for all he knew the connection was gone. Severed, like the arm had been.

Evil was so much better than a _soulmate_. That was what drove him, now, the chance of getting revenge on all who had wronged him.

Which was where Perry the Platypus came in. His _nemesis_. Maybe, he wondered some days, a best friend? At least Perry the Platypus _showed up_ , he reminded himself, on lonely days. Day after day, Perry the Platypus would kick down his door, ready to _thwart_ him, and wasn't that enough? All he'd ever _wanted_ was to feel like he meant _something_ to _someone_ , and if that _something_ was a nemesis, a danger, he'd take it. At least it meant someone was paying _attention_.

So concerned was he with being acknowledged at all that he didn't notice how much more their relationship grew to be. Perry's concern, stoic as it was. His own comfort in the routine they'd developed. The way their hands found their way together, time after time, without either of them quite noticing.

That this was _friendship_ never crossed his mind, after the lifetime of abandonment that had brought him to this point. They were _nemeses_.

Besides, he thought, incorrectly, on the rare occasion he let himself wonder, Perry the Platypus couldn't be his soulmate, if he even still _had_ a soulmate at all, because Perry the Platypus didn't speak. He didn't _need_ to.

* * *

Even as time went on, neither of them brought up the subject. Perry, out of habitual silence, a lifelong reluctance to risk what happiness he could claim as his own, knowing he could lose it all at a moment's notice or a single wrong word. Heinz, because, for the first time in his long life, the thought of loneliness didn't weigh so heavily on him, Perry's company seeming like a permanent fixture in his life.

It almost seemed, to the both of them, that what they had found with each other would last forever. All they needed was this. Even Perry, despite his initial concerns, came to accept this as the routine.

So, of course, that was when everything went horribly, terribly, wrong.

An accident. A misfire. The specifics didn't matter. Acting on instinct, Perry leaped into action to save his nemesis one last time.

For a moment, it seemed as if time stood still. Like the world held its breath. The inator beam, sharp as razors; the agent, taking the blow for the nemesis he'd come to adore; Heinz, dumbstruck for once in his life. Then Perry, curled around the new hole in his torso in silent agony, hit the floor and slid to a stop.

"Perry the Platypus?"

One second passed, two, and still his nemesis didn't move.

Heinz scrambled forward, taking Perry in his arms and checking his injuries, hand coming away sticky with blood. "Tell me that's not yours, Perry the Platypus," he begged, knowing he wouldn't believe it even if his nemesis did. "You're not _supposed_ to get _hurt_ , just... _say_ something, _please_. Like your, your little _growl_ , that _noise_ you make..." Mind racing, he looked around the room in desperation. "I can- I can _fix_ this, I _promise_ , trust me, I just need-"

Perry, knowing he didn't have long left, lifted his paw to Heinz's cheek and gave his nemesis a pained smile, fondness dulling the pain for a moment. A sound escaped his bill, barely above a breath, the name he'd spent so long learning to say. "Heinz..." Words and voice and strength failing him, he pulled his nemesis into a chaste kiss while he still could, the first and last they'd share.

Even this lasted but a moment.

"Don't you _dare_ die on me," Heinz pleaded as Perry's paw fell, cradling his broken nemesis in his arms. "Please, I don't know what I'll do without _you_ and your- your _punching_ me in the _face_ thing." Burying his face in Perry's shoulder, he listened to the platypus's strained breathing, grieving for everything they had and everything they never had the chance to be. That he had a soulmate after all was of small comfort. "Curse you, Perry the Platypus," he choked out, one last time.

And as Perry died in his arms, heartbeat fading into oblivion, a part of Heinz's soul died with him. The greatest tragedies of the age often ended thus: two soulmates, lost before they were found, whispering their words not as a greeting but a goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from [The Time Has Come (Pikachu's Goodbye)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xghYihKX9Es) from Pokemon. If you recognised it, I chose it specifically to make _you_ sad.
> 
> Perryshmirtz Discord server is in the series description if you want to yell at me for this :D


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